Men of Cavetime as much as I write to encourage, to kindle fire I must also be honest with you and share my path, my walk and my heart just like David did in the psalms
Some days I just don't ...
●Have answers
●Feel like it
●Want to
●Have the energy, desire or drive...
I fail, I falter and I fall but I don't stay there (Thank God)
From my cave to yours...
There are days when I feel like I’m standing at the edge of something deep —
a Holy Spirit vortex pulling me toward a life I know is mine,
yet my own flesh keeps its anchor dug into the mud of exhaustion.
I can feel Him.
When I finally step aside, even for a breath,
His hand rises like a tidal wave —
mighty, enveloping, fiercely present.
But I don’t stay out of the way.
I keep stepping back into the place only He belongs.
Why do I do this?
I’m torn, like David between the shepherd’s harp and the warrior’s sword —
beloved by God, yet wrestling the urge to fix everything by the strength of my own hands.
My mind aches.
My body feels spent.
My spirit flickers like a lamp running low on oil.
This battle is not poetic.
It’s bone-deep, soul-stretching, heart-breaking.
“My heart is in anguish within me,
and the terrors of death have fallen upon me.”
Psalm 55:4
Some days that’s exactly it.
The inner war. The to-and-fro.
The tug between surrender and self-reliance.
But even in the collapse, there’s a whisper:
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18
I want to stay in that nearness.
I want to let Him be King in the spaces where I keep trying to be my own saviour.
Yet I keep grabbing the reins as though I’ve learned nothing.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God…”
Psalm 42:5
This is me —
on the cusp of breakthrough,
but still cracking under the pressure of my own expectations.
Still, I feel the Father calling me higher, deeper, steadier.
Not by force.
Not by shame.
But like a shepherd pulling His lamb back from the edge.
“Be still, and know that I am God.”
Psalm 46:10
That’s the hardest command for a man who wants to fight, fix, lift, carry, win.
To be still feels like defeat.
But maybe stillness is the battlefield where my flesh loses and my spirit finally breathes.
So here I am, Lord.
Worn out.
Stretched thin.
Hungry for the life You’re stirring beneath the surface.
I confess my striving.
I acknowledge my weakness.
And I stand here — trembling but willing —
asking You to be the God who lifts the weary,
the God who finishes what He starts,
the God who teaches men like me
to stop getting in the way of their own deliverance.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10
If this is the cusp, then lead me over.
If this is the breaking, then break me into freedom.
If this is the battle, then be my strength.
Because I’ve learned one thing in this fight:
whatever I try to do in my own might burns me out…
but whatever You do through me
brings life.
Amen and a thousand more amens
Badger out..
